Every day my goal is to be better than the day before, and usually I feel disappointed that I did not meet that goal. When you are stuck in the moment it is easy to lose sight of the progress you are making. It isn't until you look back over a roadmap of months or years when you finally see that all that sacrifice and effort has really paid off.
Each day we have the opportunity to confront our weaknesses and try to overcome them, which will hopefully lead to a better life. Maybe it is ironic that I consider my weaknesses to be apathy, laziness, and procrastination. My only saving grace is that when I have a goal I really try to run after it, however I feel like those three weaknesses really derail me from reaching my goals as quickly as I'd like. I also have extremely outlandish goals, so if you are on the outside looking in you would think I am an extremely hard worker. I have never really seen it like that. If I compare what I have done to other people, then I would probably look pretty good in that aspect, but personally I still feel like I don't try hard enough. I tend to relax earlier than necessary, and I probably take too many walk breaks during my long study sessions.
I know that point of view seems obsessive, but it works for me. I am positive that I would not have made it this far if I didn't think like this. There was a time when I couldn't sit for more than ten minutes to study. It was a constant point of frustration for me, because I really wanted to dominate the material. My mind would flip between thoughts so quickly that I would find myself reading a textbook, but in actuality daydreaming about something entirely different. Through daily effort, I have been able to extend this study time to roughly 1 hour blocks. A huge improvement, but still nowhere near what I need it to be.
I have also noticed that this inattentiveness has also extended itself into my personal hobby, which I could describe as "collecting hobbies". I bet you are wondering what that means. It is a phenomenon that runs like clockwork. I will discover something I find interesting and I will do nothing but that one thing until I have figured it out. I am always amazed by people who gravitate towards one singular hobby and do it for years without getting bored. For some reason once I have it figured out and have been able adequately reproduce whatever that hobby calls for, I am bored and no longer care for it anymore. This has led me to try knitting, cross stitching, home brewing, gardening, woodworking, luthiery, playing various instruments, engraving, calligraphy, creative writing, sports, etc. etc. The list is massive and never-ending. I still wonder why I am like this.
Another thing I tend to do is constantly examine other people and wonder how they lives their lives the way they do. I have noticed that the vast majority of people reach a certain age and suddenly decide that their life is "good enough". From my observations this generally occurs immediately after High School, upon graduation from college, or after marriage. Lets say the average age is around 25 years old. The average life expectancy for people in the United States is currently 78 years, so that leaves 53 years of a static repetitive non-progressive life. Think about that for just a second. Doesn't that scare you? It blows my MIND when I think about it. What could I accomplish in 53 years if I kept improving every single day?
This apathetic behavior also manifests when people have children. It seems almost counter intuitive to me, that parents give up on improving themselves as soon as they have children so that they can "raise" their children. It is so hypocritical to me when a parent admonishes their child to get an education and be successful, to set goals and improve themselves, yet they aren't willing to do it in their own lives. Living for prime time TV and weekend sports is not my definition of success or happiness. It is merely another form of drug addiction, where you get an endorphin rush by trying to associate with the success of someone who is actually making it happen.
Entertainment has become the center of our culture and most people are too stupid to even realized how chained they really are. I watched my grandmother spend 30 years glued to a television and when she died she didn't even know who I was. Her brain was turned to mush because she never used it, and her body crumbled alongside. She was hypnotized by the fantasies unfolding before her and could never escape the temptation so that she could be fulfilled in her own life. This mass hypnosis has manifest itself in our society with the various health issues we are currently having. The overwhelming numbers of diabetics, and obese people (not to mention many other health issues) all stems from one singular problem, and that is a problem with lifestyle. Overeating, couch surfing, and inactivity for years leads to this end result. However, when people reach this state, they want to operate under the misinformed idea that they can take a "magic pill" and continue to abuse their bodies. I call this a slow measured suicide.
I have just realized how long this mind dump has gotten. This will probably be TLDR; for most people, but it's my blog so nyah! Maybe I'll follow up with a part 2, if anyone can stomach it.